click
by Freelancer
Summary: The original Order of Phoenix is getting ready to take the picture Moody showed Harry in the fifth book. However, this is much, much easier said than done...


DISCLAIMER: Nothing's mine.  All JKR.

SUMMARY: Remember the photo of the original Order of the Phoenix that Alastor Moody showed Harry in Chapter Nine of the fifth book?  The members of the Order have gathered together to take that photo, but nothing seems to be going right.  Who would have thought that taking a picture would be such hard work?

NOTE: This story is all dialogue, savvy? (except for one word)  Don't worry, you should be able to follow along.  And don't ask where it came from.  Random humor.  ^_^

! [ O ] !

            "Well, it looks like we're all here… finally.  Now then, it's not going to be easy to get all of us in this picture, but we're going to try."

            "Picture, hmph.  This isn't a good idea.  Photographic evidence, you know."

            "Of what, your grumpy face?  Lighten up, Moody.  If you smile, no one'll ever know it's you."

            "Sirius, please.  You're not making this any easier.  All right.  Dumbledore, you get in the front row, center, if you please-"

            "Should I really be there?  I'm one of the taller ones here, so in theory, I should be in the back."

            "Merlin's beard, Albus Dumbledore, you're the founder of the Order of the Phoenix.  Get in the front."

            "As you wish."

            "And stop saying that."

            "As you wish."

            "Albus!"

            "Sorry."

            "Okay, so why don't we… oh, wait, we're _not_ all here."

            "Mundungus again?"

            "Who else?"

            "That lowlife… his tardiness could put us all in mortal peril."

            "Oh yeah, you know, all of us in one place at one time… if You-Know-Who burst in here right now, he'd be so excited he wouldn't know which one of us to kill first."

            "Sirius!"

            "Sorry, sorry."

            "Oh, it's too late; the damage has been done."

            "I'D LIKE TO SEE THAT EVIL VILLAIN GET WITHIN A MILE OF HERE WITHOUT SUFFERING MY WRATH!"

            "Alastor, calm down; you know he's not serious…"

            "WHAT?  A SPY?  REVEAL YOURSELF, FIEND!"

            "Aaagh!  Moody, let go of me!  She said serious, not Sirius!"

            "Oh."

            "'Ello, everyone!  Oh, I see we've started a'ready…"

            "Glad you could join us, Mundungus.  Could you stand over there by Edgar, please?"

            "And where have you been, Fletcher?  Buying stolen goods again, I suppose?"

            "Me?  Buyin' stolen goods?  Where'd ye get an idea like that?"

            "Alastor, Mundungus, please.  Mundungus's business practices can be discussed after we take the picture."

            "Thank you, Molly.  Now then – Fabian, stop that, please."

            "AAAAH!  WHAT IS THAT?"

            "Relax, Gideon; it's just pudding…"

            "PUDDING!  YOU PUT PUDDING IN MY EARS!  FABIAN, YOU LITTLE – James, let go of me!"

            "Oooh, it's butterscotch…"

            "Only you would notice something like that, Aberforth."

            "I don't care if it's butterscotch or not!  GET IT OUT OF MY EARS!"

            "Gideon, if you hold still for just a moment, I can… _scourgify_."

            "Yes!  Thank you, Lily!"

            "You're welcome, Gideon."

            "Oh, your pudding's all gone… here, have some more."

            "FABIAN!"

            "I thought you would like butterscotch, big brother."

            "Not when it's in my EARS!"

            "Yeah; if it's going in his ears, it had better be tapioca."

            "It doesn't matter what flavor it is, Sirius!  I don't want pudding in my ears!"

            "Should we separate those two, Minerva?"

            "Good idea, Molly.  Fabian, you go over there, and Gideon, why don't you stand over by Aberforth?"

            "Here, have some pudding."

            "Ew, I don't want that!  It's been in your ears!"

            "But it's butterscotch.  I thought you liked butterscotch."

            "If I may be so bold as to comment, butterscotch with a dash of earwax does not sound very appealing."

            "You know, Albus, I think you've just given me an idea: Fabian Prewett's Every Flavor Pudding."

            "I think you're a loony, Prewett."

            "Does anyone else find that strange coming from Moody?"

            "You don't have much room to talk, Black."

            "Actually, I don't like that; the balance is all off now.  Gideon, Fabian, save your issues – and your pudding – for after the photo, and both of you move up to the second row, over there by Frank and Alice.  Aberforth, could you move over to… there!  That's good.  Now everyone say-"

            "Wait a minute!"

            "What is it, Dedalus?"

            "I can't find my watch…"

            "Can't it wait until after we take the picture?"

            "Gotcha, Diggy!"

            "Dung, you little-"

            "Just a joke, Diggy, just a joke!"

            "Mundungus, you've already caused enough disruption by being late.  Save it.  Now then, there's still an issue with balance… Peter, why don't you sit there between Lily and James?  And Hagrid, if you could be so kind as to slide back there behind Marlene… no, that won't do, either… if you're going to have Fawkes on your shoulder, you'll need to be on the end… there!  That's good!"

            "Minerva, why don't you just forget about balance and take the bloody picture?"

            "We're the Order of the Phoenix, Alastor.  The least we can do is _look somewhat orderly for our memories."_

            "You mean our photographic evidence?"

            "I'm warning you, Black…"

            "Wait a minute!"

            "What is it, Arthur?"

            "Where are you going to be in the picture, Minerva?"

            "Behind the camera.  Something tells me I'm the only one here who knows how to work this thing."

            "Nonsense; I'm sure I could figure it out…"

            "Later, Arthur.  There's not enough time."

            "Don't be ridiculous, Molly.  You just point and click, right, Minerva?"

            "Er… slightly more complicated than that, Arthur."

            "Oh, how hard can it be?  If Muggles can use them, I'm sure that I could-"

            "Not _now, Arthur!"_

            "But Molly-"

            "_No_, Arthur.  Just let Minerva handle it, all right?"

            "Oh, all right…"

            "Now, back to this balance issue… Elphias, could you – no, no, go back over there by Fabian."

            "Sorry, Minerva, but I'm not going anywhere near that butterscotch pudding."

            "It's okay, Elphias; I'm out of butterscotch pudding."

            "Caradoc, do you think you could squeeze between Benjy and Sturgis?"

            "If he does that, he's blocking Dorcas."

            "Oh, yes, he is; thank you, Edgar.  Caradoc, I changed my mind; how about you stand between Lily and Marlene?"

            "AAAAUGH!!"

            "Mwa ha ha!"

            "FABIAN!!!"

            "Sorry, sorry; I couldn't resist…"

            "Argh!  Prewett, you little… you said you were _out of pudding!"_

            "No, no, I said I was out of _butterscotch pudding, Elphias; I've got plenty of banana cream left."_

            "Oh, this is _disgusting…"_

            "_Scourgify_."

            "Thank you, Lily."

            "You're welcome, Elphias."

            "Fabian, this is not helping us take the picture any faster."

            "No, but it sure is funny."

            "Indeed it is!  _So_ disappointed you were five years ahead of us; you would have made a good Marauder, Fabian, my friend…"

            "Why, Sirius, I'm honored."

            "_Why_ would you be considered honored?  Punishment disproportionate to the crime, if you ask me…"

            "You _would say that, Moody."_

            "I think this pudding thing has gone far enough."

            "Right you are, Minerva, it _has.  Fabian, would you be so kind as to liberate any further amounts of pudding you might be carrying in your pockets?"_

            "Of course, Professor Dumbledore…"

            "Albus, tell me you didn't just-"

            "I'm sorry, Minerva…"

            "EWWWW!!!"            

            "Mwa ha ha ha ha!"

            "Oooh, banana cream…"

            "This… is… _so… disgusting!"_

            "Did any get on the camera?"

            "No, the camera's fine…"

            "You're another story, Minerva!"

            "Well, you should see yourself, Mundungus."

            "_Scourgify_."

            "Thank you, Lily."

            "You're welcome, everyone."

            "Wait!  Nobody move!  That's perfect!"

            "Hold on, I think I'm about to sneeze…"

            "Can't you hold it in, James?"

            "No, he can't; he's allergic to banana cream…"

            "Aah… aah… aah…"

            "Brace yourselves, please…"

            "Achoo!"

            "Ah, James!  You sneezed on me!"

            "I'm sorry, Peter; I couldn't help it…"

            "_Scourgify_."

            "Thank you, Lily."

            "You're welcome, Peter."

            "All right!  Everyone say Fawkes!"

            "Fawkes!"

            Click.

            "There!  I think that was a little more effort than was necessary, but at least it's over with now…"

            "Oh no, I'm going to sneeze again…"

            "Back up, Peter!"

            "Ah… ah… achoo!"

            "Ah, James!  You sneezed on me!"

            "_Scourgify_."

            "Thank you, Molly."

            "You're welcome, Lily."

! [ O ] !


End file.
